December 3: Coulda woulda shoulda: What didn’t you do this year because you were too scared, afraid, unsure? Are you going to do it next year? Or maybe you don’t want to anymore?
I've always had a pie-in-the-sky someday-when kind of plan.
In high school, I planned to move to Spain and never come back. I'd spend my days wandering cobblestone streets, taking siestas, drinking albariño and teaching English to bored teenagers in Barcelona or Sevilla. I'd run with the bulls in the summer and spend my vacations making pilgrimages to Lourdes and Fatima and Vatican City.
I still dream about moving, reinventing myself. The destination has changed more than once. It always ultimately includes me leaving this tiny town, the one I once thought was forever in my rearview, and forging a new path for myself.
Someday I will live in that city. Someday I will further my education. Someday I will switch careers. Someday I will see that wonder/ swim in that body of water/ wander through those streets/ take that opportunity. Someday.
So why not just do it? I'm unmarried, still fairly young. Now should be the time to take a leap.
Here's the thing... I'm not much of a leaper. I'm scared. Indecisive.
And, every now and then, I look around and I think about how much I love this town, how hard I've worked, how my career is just beginning, how I am so lucky to have so many people who love me.
It isn't enough.
I'm not unhappy, just... unfulfilled.
One of those stupid, quasi inspirational pins recently caught my eye on Pinterest. It has a stupid yellow-saturated picture of a tree in the background and it says "Someday is not a day of the week." As stupid as it is, I needed that little reminder in that moment.
Did I leap this year? No. Will I next year? Maybe.
But I'm going to turn some of those dreams into realistic plans... plans that will probably still include albariño.
No more Somedays.