I have come to realize that I am not good at being alone. There is too much noise in my head for me to be one of those independent people who do everything by themselves.
I used to tell myself that I was in constant contact with SkinnyB because she needed it. Now my text messages and my call log tell a different story. I am always in touch with someone. I used to complain about all of the work calls I received, especially because they invariably came when I was in the midst of a celebration or a social event or a Skype call to TheFish. I used to talk of changing my number or turning off my phone at the end of the work day. Now that the calls have lessened, I almost miss them. I never changed my number; I cannot bring myself to turn off my phone for longer than an hour.
I wonder if this is just part of being a twentysomething in the new millennium. Have my age, Facebook, Android phone, Twitter, etc ruined my ability to be alone?
Or is my inability to disconnect for even a few hours indicative of something else? Am I too needy? Have all the years of pushing people away turned me into a lonely creature who craves human contact, no matter how limited or impersonal?
Maybe I'm overthinking this. The people I call most are the people I care about most. The people who call me care about me. Maybe it is just that simple.
I love and I am loved, what else could really matter?