Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Prude

Today a very close friend of mine called me a prude.
I was offended.
I don't think that choosing to filter the information that I share with others makes me a prude.
I lay my life open on the internet. I share my private thoughts and feelings here for people to read, analyze and occasionally criticize. But you, my online friends, my anonymous support group, know far more about my personal life than many of my friends.
I tell you about my guilt and my grief and my father. I tell you about my boy drama and my ExpirationDating. You know about the nights I cry, the nights I smoke too much, and when I become twitter-pated. I don't share a lot of this with my "real" life friends. Sure, most of them know that I blog, that I record all of the silly little detail of my life here, but none of them has ever been invited to read my blog. This is my place to be me, without judgment or fear. This is where I don't apologize for being selfish or shallow or ridiculous. My sanctuary, if you will.
If keeping my feelings and my naked business sheltered from the prying eyes of coworkers and friends makes me a prude, then fine. Maybe I am a prude. Fine. But that is my choice. And you know what? Anyone who doesn't like it can just fuck off.
The fact is, I am uncomfortable talking about sex. Actually, that isn't quite accurate. I am not uncomfortable with the subject of sex. I am uncomfortable talking about my own sex life. I read Cosmo, I watch Sex and the City, I see my gynecologist regularly. I've had a Brazilian wax. I've watched porn. I've seen babies be born and held a friend's hand through the toughest choice of her life.
Am I a virgin? No.
Am I ashamed of that? No.
Am I going to share my sex life with the group? Absolutely not.
When it comes to discussing my own personal sex life, forget it. I get squeamish and awkward. Maybe its leftover Catholic guilt, orr maybe its from living in a house with 80 girls and craving privacy of any kind for extended periods of time. I'm not sure. But its likely that I won't ever
In fact, I wish more people had filters.
It may titillate others to hear and share dirty stories, fine. But please leave me out of it.
I don't care if you had sex with your girlfriend in the bathroom at a classy restaurant or what you used for lube when you ran out of KY. I do not need to know that your girlfriend now refuses to pick you up at closing time because by then you've had too many drinks to maintain an erection.
I am just not interested in hearing your naked business.
And I am certainly not interested in sharing mine.

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